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Hi there, dear reader:

 

You are about to read my story, and I hope it will touch you in many wonderful ways.

 

My name is Konrad, and these pages are about what has enabled me to enjoy a state of awareness and inner silence in the present continual moment. It is a state of being that needs no diplomas, gurus, religion or “big shot” labels, much less a certification.  My only certification is that it is real!  Ha!  That beats anything!

 

I will share descriptions of my journey, which you might also recognize as yours, and I intend to share the vibration that keeps melting my heart and quiets my mind.

 

Many of the things I share are a response to questions asked, so it is understandable that they cover less ground, but they might share a beautiful light at your service.

 

I am not a teacher, only when the student appears which then surprisingly becomes the Master that teaches me. To all of you, my gratitude.

 

These writings are not about technique or acquiring more knowledge. That feels to me very dry and boring.

 

I follow no school, religion, master or guru.  I simply share what happened and what continues to happen, and it may touch you in a positive way.

 

If I would define my school, then I would say, "the manual and the information is coming alive and clear through you because it is in you!  No fear.  Just allow and believe you are fully equipped!"

 

With the intention of transmitting life behind words, the energy between the lines, I thank you for sharing your path with mine. This might sound too simplistic, but if you are truly searching for inner freedom, then wanting more knowledge is just going to feed your ego, which you are trying to get rid of anyway!  Ha!  Well maybe you really love your ego and want to “fatten your luggage” with more knowledge and great accomplishments, and that is also okay.  So what I write might not be what you are looking for, because much of what I say is telling you to stop looking!  But hey!  Stay tuned, because what is simple for me might not be for you and vice versa.

 

Perfect Silence

 

It was mid-year of 2008. I was working at a beach resort, and I felt great about my work.  My life was going in a good direction after having experienced some unsettling changes in my life.

 

My work at the resort was about wellness, the environment was beautifully designed, and I was appreciating this joyful time of my life.  I was able to spend many long hours at this beautiful beach resort, working and taking time to enjoy many sunrises and sunsets.

 

One late afternoon, I went outside to witness the sunset as usual and, as I approached my regular spot, I felt called to sit at a different place.

 

This particular afternoon was cloudy and stormy with strong winds, but I could still see the red and yellow glowing light behind the clouds. As I sat watching, my normal pattern of inner commentary ran through my head: “Wow!  Nature is so powerful and beautiful.  How can birds stay on the branches with so much wind? etc., etc..."

 

Suddenly, everything went silent, and all I could hear was the sound of nature. There was no thinking, no mind-chattering.  I was simply aware and witnessed the scene.  I would define this state as being magically simple.  I was fully aware of the present moment and, for the first time in my life, I was able to see without separation.

 

Everything was whole – not individual objects, but rather a totality.  I had become a quiet, hyper-aware observer.  At this point, there were no tags or information attached to what I saw or experienced.  There was just the simple, continual present moment.

 

There was no judgment, no preconceived ideas or dogmas or fears. There was no past or future. What was there?  It felt like nothing!

 

So liberating!

 

This state felt completely natural as if I had always enjoyed this simple presence.  I didn’t care about anything, because there was a delicious emptiness.  It was total emptiness, but also very intense in presence.

 

There was no thought, such as “in a little while” or “this is beautiful.”  There was no bestowing of information on the circumstance or things around me.  There was nothing!  I was simply witnessing life as it happens!

 

With the empty feeling, came great peace and an experience of unconditional and unspecific love that defies all schemes of language to express its fullness.  I was in love with it all, and my first thought was, “I can stay like this forever!”

 

I have no idea how much time I stayed there as the empty observer. It felt like minutes, but probably a lot more time had passed.  In that state, there had been a timeless feeling, where the very concept of time was stripped of its importance.  I don’t know how much time passed until I had my first thought, “I can stay like this forever!”

 

During the next days, a feeling of wonder and wonderful stayed with me, but I wanted to be there again.  It did happen again, and it became more frequent with time.

 

At first, it was about every month and then every week.  For the next two years, I was able to go into that state whenever I wanted, but it was not like that right after the experience.

 

There was a process I had to learn to get there again.

 

At first, it was like a fight between allowing and wanting and a funny presence from my back.  Then every time I would meditate, I would go in that state immediately until one day it all shifted.

 

Major Happenings Before the Shift

 

During these 4 years before the shift, I went through a delicious activation of all the chakras.

 

1.  Chakras at work

 

· It started with the first chakra and it became very active. The feeling was like millions of petals opening at the same time. It was a very physical sensation, and it was deliciously expanding until I was not feeling it, but I knew it was still active and expanding.

 

· Then another day, I started feeling the same thing on the second chakra and some days later the third.

 

· When the chakra of the heart started it’s activation, I was driving my motorcycle and I had to stop because it was too heavenly.  I felt myself melting into the hands of unconditional and uncultured Love.

 

· It was expansion outwards and inward, and I was totally focused in its activity. Again, days later, I felt the same thing with the other chakras until the 7th one opened, and the feeling is nameless. To try to describe it I would say Oneness, spiritually awake, in touch with all, limitless, Awe.

 

· As time passed, I also kept knowing that other chakras (8,9,10,11,12, etc) were activating. I remember that during this time a lot of that work was done at 3am.  It would wake me up, and I immediately felt the energy working.  I just smiled and kept allowing and observing.

 

· A friend that has studied these things and has gone through some of the same experiences gave me the following insight: “this activity is actually a very natural phenomenon”, he said on the phone. “It is not something supernatural, and it is not that You are the chosen one!"  That was nice to know as it set things in perspective and didn’t feed my ego.

 

2.  An intensifying of involuntary energy work

 

· For many days, I felt as if I was being worked on. The feelings I had were energy going around me at high speed, things changing places inside of me (I know, weird), the flowing of energy through me sideways, upwards, downwards, a strong Presence by my side and a definite healing of past issues, fears and worries!  Cool!

 

· I went from using intention to just paying attention.

 

· Sometimes my wife would also wake up as the vibration of high frequency was quite intense. Thankfully, she has been very understanding of my process and, though she understands little, she allows all.  Great talent!  Thank you, Clarita, it has been beautiful partaking of these changes with you and our children.

 

3.  Unplugged!

 

· One morning, I started feeling as if I was dying, disconnecting, like being unplugged.  Not physically, but internally.  Emotionally.  Intellectually.  It felt as if I was falling backwards on a dark void.

 

· I thought I was losing it, so I called my friend and told him that I was "dying" and that I was feeling very weird, everything precious to me was ending, detaching, finishing, but that I was not fighting it.  Again, his words were wisdom: “You are doing the right thing by yielding, because this is a process that will happen anyway and, about your family, just remember that the soul has preferences.”

 

· I went to a quiet room by myself and I let go. I was tempted to fear, but also there was an unspoken assurance that everything was going to be okay.

 

· The vision, picture, and feeling that were present at that moment was of entering a dark void with nothing else but pure silence.  Delicious, sober, solemn.  UNKNOWN!

 

· As the experience ended, I went back to work feeling like a presence only.  There was no Konrad, but as soon as someone talked to me, the Konrad story came back immediately.

 

· Nowadays, when I go into that state, I don’t perceive darkness and void as a process, but as a simple reality.  A wonderful space to just be and nothing else, but things also happen there.  Actually, I feel Light.  I see a different light that comes from nowhere.  It just is.  In this state, I also perceive information, understanding and instruction. Not Konrad, but Presence that later will take Konrad’s suit and relates.

 

· Death!  Ok, I agree, this word is not very enticing, so I will explain it in a different light.

 

· It’s simple.  What eventually happens is that all the attachments that make Konrad's story are detached.  There is no relating to that personal story if I don’t need to.  I enter a state-space where it is just presence and no drama.

 

· It’s very cool!  It is freedom.  It’s inner peace.  It’s understanding beyond speech!

 

· My closing line on this “death” business: everything stays the same but different!

 

· Nobody noticed my changes very drastically, and I was able to keep open as usual, but with a wonderful secret!

 

· It is just a different way of perceiving.

 

· FEAR NOT.  It’s bliss.  Everything is okay.

 

· It's all a natural process that many people are going through, some little by little, others like me more sudden and intense.

 

· In a way it's a "coming back Home".  Delicious, fulfilling, simple, raw, core.

 

The process of the spiritual search is so beautiful, and so many people live it full color. It really is a lot of fun!  They go to yoga, eat healthy, meditate, embrace life to the fullest and live the adventure of going deeper.  It is all so cool!

 

Okay, but as a friend used to say: there is a dotted line on a BLANK piece of paper saying, “are you willing to sign it?  Are you willing to lose control?  Are you willing to let it decide where you go?"

 

After this experience, I had a lot of trouble understanding my way around. For example: my only other friend who knew about my experience asked me “well, how are you?” I froze, because I didn’t know what to say.

 

Is he talking to the Konrad that hangs around this good old world?  Is he talking to the Spiritual Konrad that is trying to decipher what is happening?  Or, is he talking to the no-name presence being?

 

I could shift in between those stages at thought speed, and it all depends where I decided to sit down.  I couldn’t answer such a simple question, so I just smiled.

 

If I would try to tell someone about the experience, it was just a matter of 30 seconds, and I would completely make a mess.

 

Slowly, I understood that it was a time to be silent, my whole being craved it.  I even told my wife that I wish I could just disappear for a month, see no one, and talk to no one.

 

I decided I couldn’t drop everything and split!  We have 3 adult children and 5 small kids to look after!  Do your math!  Keep your comments!  Ha!

 

One day I was driving my bike thinking that, wow, this is so nice and where is the goal line? Then suddenly I was struck with “lightning”.  I had to stop.

 

I understood.

 

This is it!

 

I went into silence for many months concerning this experience, just talking with a few people that happened to feel and connect.

 

With time, I have understood that it is just a matter of enjoying the ride in whatever stage I’m asked to be.  Life is still an ongoing wonderful experience and process.

 

It is what it is.

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